A friend and I were having one of those heart-to-heart discussions this week that women often have. We vent to each other because universally we understand that despite the fact that you're complaining about your husband you still adore him and think he's much better than the person's husband you're complaining to. You do understand that, right? She was bemoaning something her husband had bought her that was totally useless, unwanted, and even a bit bizarre. His heart was in the right place. Maybe.
According to her they have available money in three "places" when they want to buy something. First is, as you would think, the checking account. The CA as we'll call it was to be used to pay the normal monthly bills, buy groceries, purchase necessities, and occasionally splurge on a new dress. Second was the credit card. This was to be avoided unless buying on line where it's virtually the only safe way. The credit card bill was to be paid out of the checking account each month.
This all sounds wonderfully responsible, right? But I mentioned three places....what's the third place. Number Three is the Savings Account, which gets a regular deposit each month. Again, fiscally sound. However, according to her, once the money is deposited into the Savings Account it then becomes "the money that doesn't exist." The "money that doesn't exist" disappears from his mind. The "money that doesn't exist" isn't available because it...well, it doesn't exist. Their stove went out. It was an old stove and this wasn't unexpected. But rather than take money out of the Savings Account and buy one he surmised, because that money didn't exist after all, that they should just eat out until they had saved money from their checking account for a month or two or three, and could pay cash for the stove. In his mind they had no money to buy a stove with. You don't charge things when you don't have to. The "money that doesn't exist", doesn't exist so you can't buy anything with it. Ergo, you save until you have it. But you can't put that money you're saving into the Savings Account because if you do it becomes "money that doesn't exist".
Is this a male thing? For me, all money exists and is waiting for me to access it. But I wonder if that groaning I hear coming from my husband occasionally is his reaction to me using some of the "money that doesn't exist". :)
Haha! Interesting logic. As much as *I'd* enjoy eating out until such a thing could happen, no, we'd buy a stove, no matter what. My DH's logic would be, eating out is way more expensive and we could buy a stove with the money we save by not eating out. I'd hate to, but I'd tend to agree! :)
ReplyDeleteLOL....too funny!! I have to agree with Denise though...but a unique way of thinking all the same.
ReplyDeleteMarlene, yes, it IS a male thing! I have to agree with Denise. You just cannot do without a stove, no matter what you think. I'm sorry for your friend. Good luck to her in getting her dh to agree with her! Let us know how it all pans out. ;-)
ReplyDeleteCarol (NJ)
Well, if we had to eat out every day, there would never be enough money to pay for a new stove. I like to forget about the money that is in savings, and it takes something pretty major to take money out. I think a stove would qulaify. As a matter of fact, I could use a new stove soon!
ReplyDeleteThat must be male logic. I can't imagine what the food bills are going to be. Yikes!
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I'm glad I married a man who thinks about money the same way I do. We've been married almost 25 yrs & rarely have we ever had a disagreement over money.
ReplyDeleteSo, no, it's not a male thing. My husband(he is a male) & I both agree, savings accounts for emergencies, vacations, planning ahead - however you want to say it.
Actually at my house I do forget about all of our money except for my grocery money & my allowance(we give each other an allowance). Once we decide where it's going why think about it?
It could be how he was raised. My parents taught us that if you didn't have the cash for it, you didn't buy it. Half your money went into savings that you didn't touch and the other was your 'cash'.
ReplyDeleteIf my stove went out, I think I'd be looking for a used one, or repairing it. Loved the post on money.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is pretty much how it works at my house, too! Except, the "Money that doesn't exist" is actually "The Money that is never touched". I do think he'd make an exception for a stove, though. Just not tile or paint or carpeting or new furnishings. :D
ReplyDeletetotally understand about the women complaining to their women friends about husbands - you love them but yet you do complain - we all understand we really do love them! We just need to vent - maybe because a lot of times husband just do not listen to us?
ReplyDeleteI am mainly in charge of the available money - he is in charge of the investments - if we needed a new stove we would buy it rather than eat out - eating out is expensive after a meal or two and he would quickly realize we need the new stove!
Karen
Huh? I cannot imagine the logic of eating out to save money. hmmm, I must be missing something here. No, not like my resident male (DH). He thinks all money should be spent. I had a "doesn't exist" pad in my CA for 20 yrs to guard against math errors, etc. He was all hot to spend it and finally did. Now it is gone. But getting into retirement and on the fixed income, attitudes toward $$ got re-adjusted real fast.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine my husband ever saving any money. Any savings account is what I have saved through teaching.I keep most of it in the states where it is hard to get at because he always needs it if he sees it. Now the exchange rate is so poor it would be stupid to use it for something in Japan but he is always suggesting ways I might spend it. I think money thinking has more to do with the way you were raised and I grew up during the depression and war when money was very tight.
ReplyDeleteHehehehe. My hubby wouldn't be happy if he learned just how much "money that doesn't exist" I spent last week on Ghastlie fabric.
ReplyDeleteMoney that doesn't exist can be a glorious thing when you retire and the "real" money no longer exists, believe me! As for not having a stove though....that would NEVER happen here. My DH enjoys home cooking too much!
ReplyDeleteThe money that does not exist concept makes sense as a serious way to save money. Eating out for months instead of buying a stove sounds completely in conflict to that aforementioned concept, as eating out is a significant waste of money that does exist. With that being said, husbands are stubborn so maybe your friend can find solace knowing that your local restaurants will be happy for the business.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had such an account but I agree with Sunny in that eating out would keep me from ever being able to afford one.
ReplyDeleteI love yourt reasoning - for us the emergency money stash does not exist unless a true emergency. All other funds are accessibile and eating out would definitely not be a viable option to us. Judy C
ReplyDeleteManlogic- it doesn't exist either!Or at least it doesn't to many females!
ReplyDeleteThat is definitely man thinking to me - the money they spend on eating out for a couple of months could have purchased the new stove. Puzzled plus DH enjoys my cooking way too much to go without for that long. Maybe your friend just needs to pick really lousy restaurants for the first week. The stove might come sooner after a string of bad meals. :)
ReplyDeleteHeehee~ of course, the guys complain to each other about their wives, too, doncha know!! I sure can't follow his logic...eating out is not a good way to save money at all. We'd be lurking at Lowes and HomeDepot, figuring out which stove to put in the truck. LOL Let us know how this plays out.... :)
ReplyDeleteI imagine this husband has his feeling of security tied to that "money that doesn't exist". If it were to not be there he would probably freak out. He probably grew up poor or perhaps saw what life was like without money. He is determined to NEVER be without...thus, the non-existent money. What do you think?? I believe your friend needs to have a sit down talk with the mister and try to find out what his feelings are about the money. My problem is that both myself and my husband had lousy examples growing up of money management so early in our marriage we got in debt quite quickly. Fortunately, we didn't stay that way but we still both like to spend money. We would definitely buy a new stove because both of us like my cooking too much!
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Gmama Jane
LOL! Oh my gosh!It would cost more to eat out with the money that does exist than to buy the ding dong stove with the money that didn't exist!
ReplyDeleteJust to let you know...my package of Ghastlie fabric arrived in the mail yesterday and DH went out to the box to get it. He didn't say a peep. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteI wonder, since that money doesn't exist for him.... if he would mind transferring that non existent money over into my account.... because, I assure you it would exist for me. LOL
ReplyDeleteHello dear. I hope you are doing well. I think of you often with love. I have the little pillow you made me on my family room sofa where I see it everyday. It makes me smile as I think of you and your kindness. Have a great week. Hugs, Lura
Yes, I understand about the "money that does not exist" theory. I do not necessarily support it, but I do understand it! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty funny! I use money from all 3 places and TRY REALLY HARD to pretend that savings money doesn't exist, but when something tears up or unexpected happens... it does appear at my house.
ReplyDelete