A Letter To Politicians Everywhere

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

I know that you are in the middle of a battle - after all, political campaigns have all the characteristics of war. Skirmishes take place everywhere you go and sometimes you catch the enemy unaware, drawing blood when you can. Sometimes the enemy surprises you, coming from a direction you never expected, and he/she strikes quickly. You must be exhausted from the constant need to be on guard.

In light of how tired you are I must assume that you aren't thinking as clearly as you would like. For that reason (otherwise I would never presume to give you advice) I am going to tell you something I think you need to know. Whoever on your staff told you that computerized campaign messages called to everyone owning a telephone...well that person is not your friend. I repeat, NOT your friend. Run from him/her. Run fast before you lose any more votes than you already have. He could even be a spy from the enemy camp. And if that same person told you that calling every 30 minutes during the week prior to the election would flood the voters with your accolades, then you should probably just shoot him. The nasty truth is that those of us on the receiving end of the phone calls, well we're writing down the names of the politicians and voting AGAINST every one who has dialed our number.

Respectfully yours,