Paula Deen, Rachel Ray, Pioneer Woman, and Me

I can't cook.  I've told ya'll that over and over.  I hate cooking and my kitchen hates me.  I swear, that room is haunted by the first three of the above names.  But my husband's mother could cook.  That woman could cook really good stuff.  She made stuff I'd never heard of when we married but that I learned to love and miss to this day.  She made Okra Gumbo to die for and this stuff called Turnip Stew that sounds perfectly horrible but oh my it's good.  I don't eat Bell Peppers but I loved her Stuffed Peppers - I only ate the filling but she didn't care.  And every Friday night during football season (my husband was a ball player and then a coach) she made pimento cheese sandwiches.  Lots of pimento cheese sandwiches.  Everybody she knew would come looking for a pimento cheese sandwich and she made the best.  Now I make them for my quilt guild's snack supper and someone always asks me for the recipe.  Oh, and when my children have been especially good I make them, or if my husband asks for them, or if the sun shines, or if it rains.....we just like pimento cheese!

I start off with 2 lbs. (yes, I make a BIG bowl) of grated Cheddar Cheese.  I prefer to use one pound each of mild and sharp but if I can't find it or don't have it I use mild or medium or sharp or whatever says Cheddar on it.  This bowl was my grandmother's - I love it, crack and all.  It's my pimento cheese bowl and my bread bowl and my bowl I use any time I need a really big bowl.

Add two of the big jars of pimento.  Except they really aren't big - have you noticed that?  There's a small jar and a big jar.  The small jar is about the size of a quarter and the big jar is about the size of a half dollar. Well maybe that's an exaggeration; they could be a little bit bigger.  But not much!

Boiled eggs:  add some.  I think I might have put 5 1/2 in there.  I boiled eggs and the grandchildren love them so I had to boil more.  Except they only eat the whites.  The 1/2 came from the one the little guy took one bite out of and put back in the bowl.  I cut that half off.  Or did Grandpa eat that one?  Maybe I put 5 in there.  Chop them up some but don't grate them or make those tiny little pieces that you aren't even sure they're eggs any more.  When you stir this up those little pieces tend to disintegrate.

Chopped celery comes next.  I prefer the inner stalks, leaves and all, chopped fairly fine.  But if I've already used those I'll use the bigger stalks.  Just be sure you take most of the strings off and chop it pretty fine.  If the pieces are too big they'll get stuck in your teeth or something.

Isn't this gorgeous?

This part is tricky.  I add mayonnaise, light mayonnaise, and/or Miracle Whip.  I have no idea how much or in what combination.  Whatever is in the fridge is what goes in.  And then call in your husband to stir it up because it will make your arms really tired if you try to do it yourself.  Be sure you put in enough of that fattening stuff mayonnaise/Miracle Whip to make it pretty moist because after a day in the refrigerator it soaks it up.  And when you make this much, unless you're feeding an army, it will last for a while.

I made 20 sandwiches for my guild and there was enough left to make probably at least 10 or 15 more.  It's super food - good for making sandwiches, wonderful on crackers, even better in celery sticks, and you could even ice a cake with it.  Except I wouldn't eat the cake if you did.