Don't let the difficulties of the present moments overshadow the reality of God's promises. God's promises still stand. And God's promises are stronger than our failures.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Rediculous

You've listened to me rant and rave about menopause. You've heard my lament about hot flashes. It's only fair that you hear my latest moaning. After all, that's what you're here for, right? To hear me moan and groan I mean.


Women who are hormonal have issues. We who are aging and have hormonal issues need sympathy, kindness, conciliatoryness (is that a word? of course it is, I just made it up). We need people to be considerate so we don't have to bite their heads off, to be as hot as we are so they can withstand the not so moderately lowered air conditioning, and above all to keep all remarks about aging and hormones to themselves. Maybe that's not above all. Maybe above all is agreeable. They definitely need to keep their sense of humor because we, the afflicted, have lost ours.

Photo by Flickr Sixties Books
Today I went to a very upscale department store to buy new bras. Mine have become suddenly too tight but at the same time too loose, both in the wrong places. I've worn the same size for years now. I wear very good bras because I know this is important. I don't want to bounce, protrude, or trip over myself when walking. I asked the kind clerk, the older of the two clerks because one of them was certainly underage and shouldn't have been working since she must have been a junior high student, for a fitting. I assumed that I might have changed sizes a little.




I'm one of those women who prayed for a growth spurt upon entering high school. God granted that wish after the birth of my first child. And again after my second child. And again after my third child. None of it ever left. While in my twenties and thirties that was fine. Heavens, it was more than fine, it was good...just ask my husband. But I digress. As I enter my sixties it is no longer fine. It is now burdensome. As the kind older clerk measured me I felt a note of satisfaction to see that she wrote down the same number I've always worn. However, when she wrote the letter size it had changed. Not just one size up ladies, but two! And not just two sizes but I have now graduated to double digits. Letters, that is. I wasn't kidding about tripping over the darn things.



I know there's surgery for this kind of problem but I made the mistake of watching it on the medical channel once. Do you know how they do that? Horrors! I vowed a long time ago to grow old gracefully with no help from a surgeon. I maintain that vow. But if I could wiggle my nose and get rid of a bit of this extra I have you can bet I would.



How about you? If you could wiggle your nose and "fix" something would you do it?

30 comments:

Dawn said...

Ha! Although I see the seriousness of your post, I had to laugh out loud in your funny, funny way of putting things! We share the same 'problem', my dear. And would if I could -- I'd have them chopped off to a smaller cup size. And hearing you say that they may get into the double digit size ---- that sound you now hear is me G R O A N I N G!

Diane of Crafty Passions said...

I think I saw the same show on TV YIKES!!!
So I will have my overstuffed bosums(( do you like that word LOL!)) till I die which I hope will be elegantly and gracefully, overstuffed maybe but hey that was in my DNA nothin I can do about that now can I !!
But if I could wiggle my nose you bet that part of me would be missing a lot of its stuffing!!
Diane

Calamity Jane's Cottage, Bonnie said...

Hi Marlene, I agree with you as far as not having anything done. I know I need to go on a diet and maybe that would help. I think the most I worry about is my double chin, that is kinda creeping up. My Mom had one that really hung and wiggled. My daughter (very young) was sitting by her with her hand up and just kinda playing with it, when she said, "Granny, you are just like your cows." Kids, they always speak what is on their minds.
The rest that hangs can be put up, tied up or whatever. At least we are aging....
Hugs,
Bonnie

Beckynsc said...

Hmmm, I'd get rid of the wrinkles that have started forming and the extra insulation.

Memaw's memories said...

It would definitely be my boobs. And then next my belly flap, and then my upper arms. Then, well there wouldn't be anything left.

Salem Stitcher said...

My husband is in the other room wondering what is so funny. Maybe I will tell him. Be careful what you wish for in high school. You and I made the same wish. I should have stopped wishing. I cannot go braless for fear of knocking myself out going up the steps. I, however, did not see that same TV show and the first windfall I have, these babies are going bye-bye.

Rose Mary said...

Yes, I've seen that show--Yikes!! I'm keeping mine, too.

I'd love to get rid of the flab on my tummy and upper arms, but wiggling my nose is about all I can afford to do, right now, and it doesn't do much good, LOL!

I hope your 'growth spurt' ends soon, Marlene! At least you got some great new bras!

R~Mary

Christine said...

If I could wiggle my nose I'd have a waist the size of that gal in your photo for this post. Or maybe fix the bags under my eyes. But alas, I'll be growing old gracefully myself.

Lori said...

This muffin top belly would be gone in a flash! I lost a 80lbs. a few years ago but the ol saggy belly is still there. The really sad part is, one side of the flap is bigger than the other. When I was pregant with our twins sons, one of them layed up and down on one side all the time, so that side is stretched more. Wierd huh? I guess it's worth it to have my wonderful sons though.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

How long is the night?! Tomorrow I head to the dr. for my annual, and let me just say...

if I could wiggle and fix, I'd wiggle my way out of my wiggle and score a win on the scales. Oh the thought of it. I'll probably be in mourning for most of my day tomorrow.

peace~elaine

Sharon said...

Oh Marlene, that was wicked funny! I laughed so loud I scared the cat! Yeah, there's lots of things I'd change if it was free and free from pain. But, since that's not gonna happen, I'll just age, and hopefully some of it will be graceful!

Grammy Staffy said...

Oh so funny. I empathize. Why don't you come on over and we can show kindness and conciliatoryness to each other.... but if you come please remember to wipe your hands dry on your clothes. Ha

Hugs, Lura

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Yes! I would twitch that nose and have my size increase just a bit! My three babies nursed me into tininess! At least up top! I don't seem to be tiny anywhere else!

Oh--and I'd twitch myself young eyes again. I just increased the power on my readers. Boo hoo.

osagebluffquilter said...

Well thank goodness one in your postings has the same problem as I do.In the beginning I asked god for big boobs, and it all sank to my feet. That's it all I got was a cups and size 9 1/2 feet. Mt little sister ont he hand got the big boobs and the little feet. Drats!

Oh and Madison's is so good! they are know for their Pasta's. But then we like Arris's the pizza place your sister took you to.

Osagebluffquilter

Raquel said...

Marlene, on this issue, I totally sympathasize. I have been a double-digit-letter person since I was in highschool. It is a real drag, pardon my pun! If I had the money to do it, I would have surgery and be a second letter of the alphabet single letter person! Much love, Raquel

Teresa said...

Wiggle my nose, shake my booty, heck I would jump up and down and rock the house if I could change my body image entirely.

Heather said...

Yep...I wiggled my nose and three and a half hours later it was all fixed. I had the opposite problem and never felt very feminine. Now it's all good!!

I agree about bras being so very important. I spit sweet tea out of my nose when you mentioned tripping over 'them'. HILARIOUS!!

Crazy for Primitive Quilts and Gardens said...

Oh if I could wiggle, I would wiggle out of a few (ahem) pounds. I am weak!

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Just so you'll know...

the wiggle worked. I came in at 9 lbs. under from last year's weight! I was so excited that when I left the Dr.'s office (after having fasted for 12 hours for my cholesterol check), I went to the Wendy's drivethru for a burger and fries! I've got another year to lose that portion of wiggle. Yipee!

peace~elaine

Living on the Spit said...

Your site is delightful. I am also a Marlene, from the south (sorta), am hormonal, and am a budding quilt maker...very budding! Your work and words are wonderful.

Karen said...

Oh, how funny! I have enjoyed reading your blog today.

Ivory Spring said...

Marlene, your blog is always so interesting! Enjoyed your post.

Thanks for the sweet comment on the quilt. I am anxious to see how it turns on in the magazine -- still waiting for my copy!

Stonefox (otherwise known as Heidi) said...

Marlene, this is HILARIOUS! And I thought boobs got smaller with each kid (I started big and am shrinking up to nothin'). Maybe you are getting mine.

Thanks for the great laugh! And the insight too...I'm keeping all these things in mind for my "glory years" ahead.

Joyful said...

The tears are rolling down my face I laughed so hard at this post!!! Thanks for the laughter!! Loved this!!!
Blessings,
Joy

Cora from Nelia's Primitive Place said...

In the position I'm in right now, I wish I had NONE!!!! I'm laughing so hard at your post, but know how serious it is to you at the same time! I grew up stuffing the smallest bra just so I would have something visable. Now????? They are in my way! They are HOT! Sweaty. And I keep the air down so low there is frost on my windows!!!!!!

Cora

Penny said...

hmm, I'd have to think about that one! ok, I might give my nose a tiny,tiny wiggle, but not much!

Penny said...

hmm, I'd have to think about that one! ok, I might give my nose a tiny,tiny wiggle, but not much!

Katy Lin :) said...

lol! you're too funny!

if i could get a nose-wiggle wish right now it would be for a similar problem, only the reverse. i'm happy to finally fill an a cup, lol! but i haven't had kiddos yet so maybe that will help my situation :)

sister sheri said...

I am so with you! I'm in triple letters... what a pain! Literally! Yikes the surgery looks worse though.

Molly said...

We have racehorse genes in my family so our problem is too little! But my M-I-L had your problem and used to assure my S-I-L and me that we were better off smaller---no rivers of sweat in summertime, no struggling into harnesses so we'd look decent in our clothes!
What does an older lady have between her boobs that a younger lady doesn't? A bellybutton!